Warning: This article contains language and/or sexual references that younger readers are advised to avoid.

Brace yourselves.. DS:BB's live updates return with special coverage of what looks set to be the first (real) BB UK bonk.

02.56: It seems as if Stuart and Michelle are preparing to do the deed. Stuart returns from the diary room visibly aroused, having seemingly asked BB to lower the blinds in the bedroom.

02.58: Stuart returns to the bedroom and hops back into bed with Michelle. The pair resume their pash, with Michelle taking control on top.

02.59: The feed switches to the overhead shot of the house, but audio can still be heard.

03.01: More kissing and rustling of sheets can be heard.

03.02: Video returns, albeit briefly; it seems as if Michelle has dismounted but there's definite movement going on under there.

03.04: Video returns again: Stuart seems to be going down on Michelle; she strokes his head through the sheets.

03.06: Alas, video cuts away as Victor coughs. "That's to let us know he's awake," says Michelle. "Do you think they'll put us in the love shack?"

03.09: Put off by Victor's apparent conscious presence, the pair put a halt to their grindings and lie next to each other whispering.

03.11: "Sounds like somebody's up and about," Michelle tells Stuart, adding: "You can have a squeeze of my bap too."

03.15: Looks like Michelle has hopped back on top now. To clarify, at this stage they have not yet had full sex, although there seems to have been some oral (from him to her) and some fondling.

03.18: "I'm going to kiss you like you've never been kissed before," Michelle tells Stuart and proceeds to do so. Whether that's meant to be a good thing or not I'm unsure.

03.20: The feed keeps intermittently cutting to garden cam but audio remains throughout - there's lots of kissing and faint mumbles such as "do that again" and "will you?"

03.21: The breathing is getting heavier now but there's no video to act as verification.

03.23: "Let me just climb..." says Michelle, before helpfully pointing out: "You've kept your pants on." Promptly we go back to the garden cam.

03.27: The pair now appear to be debating whether to do it or not. One safe assumption to make at this point is that these two are almost a cert for avoiding the enforced eviction now.

03.29: They're now just lying next to each other, with Michelle still whispering about going to the love shack.

03.34: Michelle mounts Stu once again. "Can you check that out?" she asks. "Are you checking... You have? You have?"


Your Messages

While the preying mantis continues to devour, time for a quick catch up with some of your messages...

Jonathan: "How terrible it must feel to watching this but, this is television history being made!" I think I must be one rung further down the ladder...

The appropriately-named Woody writes: "Oh my god...Did they? Didn't they? If they didn't WILL THEY!? "

Daniel: "I get the feeling he's a tad nexperienced as shes been doing most of the leading so far.I think she went doown on him, and the rest has been foreplay. and yes i'm up at 3 am doing student coursework at uni, andwatching two people i've never met.Having intimate sexual activities at 3 in the morning.Does that make me a perv...of course it does lol."

Chris disagrees with my thoughts on them being safe: "No, one of them is almost certain for eviction, remember this is EVIL Big Brother."


03.39: "I am disappointed that we're not doing it," says Michelle before mentioning the cameras.

03.43: Michelle pulls the duvet over her head; there seems to be some sort of motion going on underneath - I suspect with her hand.

03.45: It seems as if another housemate has got up and left the bedroom.

03.47: Whoever it is has come back in now. Michelle whispers: "I was sitting there and I felt a prod on my shoulder. There was nobody there and he was sitting in the top bunk and he must have swung down and gone."

03.49: "I feel like touching myself," says Michelle. "Give me your hand, two minutes." She proceeds to guide Little Boy Lost to the appropriate areas.

03.51: The under-sheet fondling continues. In the next bed, Marco opens his eyes for a moment then rubs his nose for around a minute - could he be doing something deplorable by listening in?

03.53: Marco holds his head up and looks around before laying back down. The pair must be oblivious as they have the duvet over their heads.

03.56: "Do you want touch.." says Michelle before both sound and video are completely cut.


Your Messages

Andy has a controversial comment: "and there we it have, the first bb bonk, with michelle confirming everything federido said in bb4. the quintessential geordie slapper, ladies and gentlemen."

Ben: "I didn't notice Marco at first because of the red button logo. D'oh! But of course he's listening in. Wouldn't you?" No, I'd never do such a thing..


03.59: Join me over in the next hour for yet more shameless voyeurism.