Super-intelligent, double-dealing, agent provocateur or merely dumb blonde “chipstick”. Will the real Jade Goody please stand up?

And whichever she turns out to be, having stood up will she please do a Sandy and get the hell of Dodge (or even Elstree). Maybe outside of the house she’s a lovely girl but surely she can’t believe she can get away with all this malicious backstabbing and tittle-tattling simply by doing that toe-curling baby voice or turning on the waterworks? She’s doing my head in.

There must have been seismic activity on the night the highlights showed the bit where she whined “Am I mingin’?” and the nation as one shouted, “Yes you are! “ at their televisions.

Jade has finally been given a strike and Spencer’s departure may be indirectly responsible for this. I have always thought that the producers were planning a three-strike expulsion for around this point in the series. The buzz and subsequent ratings boost would be on a par or maybe even surpass the furore when Nasty Nick got the old heave-ho. I also believe that Spencer was their ideal candidate for this. With him gone, chucking out Bermondsey’s finest (sorry Bermondsey!) would send telly executives into whoops of delight.

With tennis highlights clashing head on in the schedules with the C4 show, I expect this will happen either late this week or early next.

I’m hoping that Tim turns out to be a cad and bounder rather than a jolly nice bloke, purely for entertainment purposes. There have been precious few signs of duplicity yet though and I may choose to dislike him purely because he’s failing to fall into the stereotypical pigeonhole I’d prepared for him.

If Sophie fell into any sort of hole I doubt if we’d notice. She’ll be even less noticeable on the poor side and still appears to be pining for Lee. How sad.

As for Kate and Jonny, who seemed to think there were in a concert party in the first two weeks, I’m now referring to them as Dull and Duller. Jonny’s behaviour is obviously being affected by his own perceptions of what we the public must be thinking. In Kate’s case however, it’s becoming increasingly clear that she is not a person at all but merely a puppet. With no Alison or Spencer to pull her strings she’s totally lifeless! I’ll leave the Kate baiting alone now. Emzi’s far better at it than me.

One person who probably wishes Spencer were still in the house is Dermot O’Leary. Poor Dermy looked absolutely desperate on Big Brother’s Little Brother as he tried in vain to coax words of than one syllable for a bored and inattentive Spanky on Sunday. It’s rare you see the BBLB host out his depth and it probably didn’t help that his other guest was Eve Pollard out of Through the Keyhole. My granny’s more hip.

They obviously haven’t appointed a taskmaster this year. Musical Chairs? I ask you? It became even more blatantly obvious that they are trying to economise when the music was cut from the E4 feeds, presumably so they wouldn’t have to cough up twice for it. Lovely choice as well, Agadoo and the Birdie Song.

Jonny was honourable in taking Sophie and Tim to the poor side, rather than anyone who had already endured it, while Alex agonised over his decision although he showed no hesitation in rescuing PJ and fair play to him for that as PJ might say.

He did sort of spoil it afterwards by advising the girls to put the toilet seat up after use for PJ’s benefit but he just wouldn’t be Alex if he didn’t say things like that.